Seasons Change:The Satsuki Ichinose story
by lonedaisy
Summary: Satsuki Ichinose.Public profile: daughter of world renowned music producer Takumi Ichinose and sister to sensation guitarist Ren Ichinose.A trip down memory lane for some but a path she treaded on and nearly died for. Rated for M for profanity.
1. Interview I

**PROLOGUE**

Some people say I am my father's daughter simply because they always felt his presence when I walked in a room. But………

I still ponder to this day whether I was a product of love or just a flame of unbridled passion at the right moment. My mother always said the first…even as she watched my father pack his bags and leave the house, even as he split our family apart, she still held on to it and never spoke ill about him. Well at least never to my face but I knew, deep down I always knew. You know that song that goes, '_papa was a rolling stone, wherever he lay his hat was his home.' _

You could say that was my dad and it's ironic that I am the spitting image of him yet he never saw me. All my friends throughout elementary and high school had loving families with Sunday barbeques and trips to the sea but every holiday,they would get into kiddish fights and resolve them by the end of the day but not me, I sat with my pad and pencil staring out the window writing what I felt, writing what I wanted to tell him but couldn't. As I read them now, its all so nostalgic and yet surprising how many times my emotions changed, from adoration to anger then on to desperation then to anger again and finally resignation.

Mama always told me Papa had a very tough childhood and he worked extra hard to make sure I got everything I needed and wanted but every time my birthday came round and all I saw was a big package and a delivery man, I was disappointed and by the time my 10th birthday rolled round, I knew that he was never ever going to come back and I purposely told Mama to send back the gifts but she protested.

In the heat of it all, I bundled up everything he had ever given me one night and asked Uncle Yasu to give everything to a charity. He was flabbergasted for a while but didn't protest as I saw him haul the trunk out the door. When I stepped into my room, it was still a void. In a way I had created a lot of space and for a while it felt painful but I realized that I had to fill it on my own…..somehow. And that's when I turned to what I already had, my family.

Papa still sent me gifts every year and I did the same thing, I gave them away. But after a while, the gifts stopped and the calls became less frequent and Ren didn't bother either. I could only assume that I had been shut out but Mama was always there….supporting me, making me a cup of tea every time I had to stay up and study for an exam, nursing me to health when I was ill, a shoulder to cry on, to give me a cuddle when I couldn't sleep….to me she is and always will be irreplaceable. When I told her what I wanted to be, she told me to follow my dream.

Some parents feel like they are obligated to say that but not Mama. I know that she means it, I can hear it in her tone and that's why…….that's why………I am my mother's daughter.

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**A/N:I've been on hiatus for a while...life and tragedy caught up with me. Will do my best to update regularly. Thx for all your support,LD.**


	2. Pain is inevitable,Suffering is optional

**PAIN IS INEVITABLE,SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL**

The sound of a piano echoed in the house, the notes light and crisp. The sun was bright out side but the music wasn't light and gay as it should have been. It was filled with this unfathomable sadness….like as though every time finger touched a key, a tear was shed. A sultry voice accompanied the melody, its pitch raw and unpolished but still carrying the emotion that those keys were reflecting.

_Maybe I'm been pouring too much_

_Into this for it to turn to agony_

_You enchant me, delight me and possess me_

_In ways I can't understand,_

_Yet you're the first to walk….oooh_

_This love is like a poison in disguise,_

_I'm paralysed by your touch,_

_I'm left breathless by your kiss,_

_I'm scared but I can't stay away_

_Its been so long…_

The hands halted their lazy movement and the player looked up to face the figure that stood a few feet away. "What do you think, Uncle Yasu?"

"Satsuki…."

"It's incomplete though… but I'm sure you're good ears picked it up already."

Yasu took the opportunity to put out his cigarette so that he could avoid eye contact with her. She harboured too much pain, that he knew and it reflected in her playing. The beginning notes had thrown him off balance, she had sucked him into her black and white world. 'Curse you, Takumi.'

"Well?" she coaxed as soon as she noticed he was avoiding her question.

But then again, she was smart, "What do you want me to say, Satsuki?" he asked as he continued to grind the stub into the ash tray even though it had already gone out.

"How did that song make you feel?"

Abandoning the activity, he took off his sunglasses and gave her an answer.

"I see," reaching over for the sheet music and the lyrics, she bundled them and threw them on the floor shocking him.

"What the hell are you doing?

Walking over to the window, she looked into the garden, "Look, it's a beautiful day outside yet everything in this house is dark and gloomy. That's not what I want but that's all I seem to know."

Yasu watched as the sheer curtains danced to the afternoon breeze shielding her. In a way they had all tried to shield her from the truth but like they say, it will always come out and it had cut deeply and was still cutting her to this day.

"Satsuki, it's a beautiful melody. You even made this old man cry like a baby."

She giggled and turned his way, "Well, if you grew some hair, you wouldn't look like a baby every time you cried."

Whoever said laughter was the best medicine had to be the wisest person on earth.

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Her mother had purchased Room 707 with the alimony she used to receive from her father. Something to pass on to you when I die, she shuddered at the memory of that conversation. It had gotten a little out of hand, Hachi knowing that she had no way of supporting herself and Satsuki incase Takumi stopped paying alimony pulled savings together to at least secure a home and she knew which one she wanted to buy. The tenure would pass onto Satsuki once she turned 18. As for Satsuki, that apartment held many memories for her even she was grateful for her mother's decision to keep it.

Its European style architecture always calmed her, the walk up to the 7th floor never seemed to tire her the way it did Hachi which amused her to no end. Blame it on youth if you will but the sight of her mother panting, bending over and asking to be carried like a princess brought a smile to her lips. Satsuki reached into her purse for the keys just as her neighbours came out; she politely greeted them before proceeding to open the door. Their hushed voices weren't mute to her ears, _'That's her daughter?'_

'_Looks like her father but she has her mother's poise.'_

'_I heard he was unfaithful for years.'_ She didn't need to hear more and she gently shut the door and sank to the floor. She had known….she had always known despite Hachi trying to protect her. When you had a powerful man like Takumi Ichinose for a father there's no way you could keep living in denial, still using candles when everybody else had electricity.

_School was always a clutter of personalities not that she minded. She was a very pleasant person to talk to, that she had learnt from her mother but at the same time careful not to say too much like her Uncle Yasu and liked her space just like Takumi._

_Today was no different; it would go the same way. Yui would come borrow her English book so that she could copy the answers to the homework, Gin would try and sell her pirated DVD's for an outstanding deal which she would playfully decline to purchase, Aya would come crying about her latest break up or if it were a good day, brag about her latest flame and all this happened before home room. So much for a sound education in one of the best private schools in Japan._

_It was after school as she walked home from school, her route never really changed if there was no agenda like going to the karaoke club with friends but it was as she passed a T.V store that her world came to a stand still. Still photographs of her father with another mistress with headlines of 6 year affair plastered on the screen but that was not what had her standing and shaking in her tracks. It wasn't her, it wasn't the mistress she knew about but another that she had called Aunt for almost half her life. She thought of her mother, had she known? Had she just found out? She had to get home, hopefully Hachi hadn't seen it. Pulling herself away from the store front, she dashed as fast as she could to the train station all the while, one thought played like a broken record in her mind, 'I have to get home. I have to get home.'_

"_Oka-san!" she screamed as soon as she burst through the door, clumsily throwing off her shoes before dashing into the living room. The T.V was off but the sound of water running upstairs notified her as to where Hachi was. Throwing her bag on the floor, she ran upstairs to the master bedroom, "Oka-san?" There was no response. This was starting to look like one of those movies where the child walks in to find their parent bleeding profusely on the bathroom floor. Gulping down the notion, she tentatively approached the door to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of a silhouette huddled on the floor of the shower._

_The fear resurfaced immediately and she pulled back the shower curtain hurriedly. Her mother lay huddled like a child whose favourite toy had been broken, the shower running. Instinctively she enveloped her in a hug, the water soaking through her uniform but she didn't care, she was just happy that she was safe. That's all that mattered._

"_You have me, Oka-san. It will be alright."_

_Hachi sobbed herself to sleep that night with Satsuki by her side the entire time. The paparazzi didn't take long either, several black cars were staking the neighbourhood but she didn't let it get to her. Later her Uncle Nobu and Shin came by but by then Hachi was sound asleep._

_Gathering what little strength she had, she proceeded to the kitchen where she made some Darjeeling tea. Shin came in to help her and she breathed an inward sigh of relief. Grateful that she wasn't alone, she had no idea how she would hang in there. The truth itself felt like a concrete block had been placed on her chest, its weight not only inhibiting her breathing but her heart from feeling anything._

_The kettle sat on the plate and the hushed sound of water heating surrounded them, "You've grown so much, Sa-chan." _

"_Really? I still think I'm Shin's cute little Sa-chan." For the longest time, she had had this unexplainable attraction to Shin. It was a completely one sided affection though, its not that she'd never told him. It was just a little too complicated to the point that it almost felt like incest._

_Sighing, he looked at the boiling pot and lamented, "My mama has always had the worst luck with men."_

_Satsuki simply stared at the floor. Wherever Nana was, she had probably heard about it. Nana, Mama needs you right now more than ever…………_

That was such a long time ago but the pain still hurt like a fresh wound even though it must have hurt Hachi more then. Picking up her cell phone, she noticed a missed call from Shin. It probably wasn't urgent so she sent a text message, the sun set illuminated a beautiful orange glow in the den yet it still felt gloomy. She knew that even if she tried to compose, the melody would still be filled with sadness and regret. At times, she thought that all she needed was to get away but running would just put the problem at a further distance but never solve it and eventually, it would catch up and then she'd have to run again.

Facing her father after all these years never really crossed her mind. Hachi always encouraged her to travel and see him and Ren but she never really wanted to after all, she was all Hachi had and Takumi knew what it felt like to be helpless more than anyone.

Her phone vibrated pulling her from her lap of thought,

'_How did it go today? ~shin~'_

Fingers went to work immediately, punching the keys with enthusiasm. She was never one for short to the point messages but she halted and deleted what she really wanted to say and simply followed the 'assigned format.'

'_Still needs more work. ~Sa-chan~'_

With that done, she got off the cool floor and proceeded to heat up the bento she had bought at the convenience store. The phone vibrated once more and she opened the flap to view the message.

'_Want me to come over? ~shin~'_

Closing the flap swiftly, she ran a hand through her short ebony hair; as though her mind wasn't in over drive already. Shin was one of the most impulsive people she had met in her life and maybe that's what partly made her attracted to him. '_Thanks for the Daddy issues, Takumi.'_

With Shin, it was hard to tell whether he was serious or playing mind games. Maybe he felt secure that way but it drove people away at the same time well, at least those who lacked perseverance. But their relationship was more of a tango dance, one minute I want you and the next I'm not so sure anymore.

As a child he had laughed it off and played along but when she's got a C cup and she's still saying what she said as a child, that's a whole different ball game. Naturally, he brought in Hachi and how everyone would feel but when it all came down to it, he wasn't actually saying no to the idea and as fate would have it, virginity and virtue flew out the window one night in the spring of my 17th year.

It wasn't the best fuck but it wasn't the last either so pretty much everything in between was mind blowing and then…..then everything broke. Takumi was furious and almost put Shin on life support after he flew all the way from London once the incident came to light. Bear in mind that this was his first visit to Japan since the divorce.

Hachi and he parted on amicable terms and even as she sobbed, he was a complete gentleman to her, holding her and offering her his handkerchief. Maybe he should have put that brain of his to use when he was fucking his mistresses was all I could think then.

But we were forbidden any contact for an extended period which translated into 2 years. As soon as high school education was complete, I was shipped to some Conservatoire in France and it was there that my life almost took a turn for the worse.

The microwave beeped irritatingly and reaching for oven mittens, she took out the warm meal and set it on the dining table. "Time for some wine as well," she said to herself. She pulled the bottle of Sauvignon from the shelf and poured it gently into a glass. She downed it swiftly to calm her swimming head, "I've really been thinking too much."

She poured some more contents into the wine glass and took it to the table. She picked up the stereo remote and pressed the play button. The picking of guitars filled the room and Nana's raw voice resonated through the house like as though she was still there. Staring out at the sunset, she imagined that this must have been that glamorous sky that they all saw.

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** A/N: Swift update as you can see but don't read too fast. The italics represent the past and thoughts sometimes and apparently text messages. Enjoy. LD**


	3. Black Tears

**BLACK TEARS**

Her fingers moved over the black and white keys graciously bringing out a light pleasant melody but just as one finger moved onto the next note, there was a loud pound. Flustered, she stared at the G-key and tried from where she had stopped but when she hit the key again, a loud pound was all that could be heard. Just as she was about to try once more, the pounding got more frantic and louder, turning around she saw an irate audience hitting tables and chairs chanting her name, "Sa-chan! Sa-chan! Sa-chan!"

She woke up in a cold sweat, the next sound of pounding gave her a fright and she pulled the covers instinctively to cover her nude body with the sheet. "Sa-chan, open up." This voice…could it be…Shin? She looked at her alarm clock taking note of how late it was. 'What could possibly be wrong at 3:24 a.m? Any normal Japanese person would be in the deepest recesses of their dream. The door rapped again as he continued to knock, reluctantly she got out of bed and donned a satin robe and pajama bottoms. "I'll be right there, Shin." Pulling the sash tight, she put on the house slippers and made her way to the door keys in hand. One by one, she worked the locks and when the door finally opened, Shin stormed in past her, the faint smell of his cologne and cigarettes that once and still drove her wild trailing after him not that he would know. Slumping in the couch, he proceeded to light a stick and inhaled deeply before letting out a drawl. Satsuki locked the door and turned to face him arms crossed in bewilderment, "So, what brings you over at this un ghastly hour?" He simply stared at the wall ignoring her question. Sighing, she moved into the opposite cubicle and looked at his face for the first time in months and even though he wore sunglasses, she could tell just by looking at his face that he was troubled. He took another drag from his cigarette and stared back at her. Sensing that her face was flushing from embarrassment, she decided to break the silence, "Are we gonna play stare-off the whole night or are you gonna tell me what the hell is bothering you, Shin?"

"Say, Sa-chan. Play for me," he muttered.

"Play for you?"

He put the stub out in the ashtray on the coffee table, "It's been a while since I heard you play. Won't you play for me?"

"What do you mean it's been a while? You were in the studio last week during a session and even though you left before I could see you, you must have heard me."

He paused a moment to take off his sunglasses and turned to gaze at her. "I want to hear the un-inhibited, carefree, wild Sa-chan's music." Her retort remained trapped in her voice box as those eyes penetrated her and lit embers that had been hidden under ash for so long. A prickly sensation ran through her fingers almost as though they itched to touch the piano keys. His hand held out to her, she placed hers almost instinctively into their warm cocoon as he helped her stand and led her towards Nana's former room where her piano rested. An arm chair was at the far corner of the room for any guests, to be specific, her mother. She loved to indulge her in mellow moments in the room where Nana had cuddled her as she cried her heart out when her first real love Shoji's indiscretions had come to light, a chapter in her mother's life that had spun a hit single in French 'Larmes de noir'. Even though she never wanted to release it since it was a gift, it somehow ended up on sale and was applauded by critics and fans alike. Shin made himself comfortable as she sat on the piano bench, "What would you like to hear?"

"Larmes de noir," he replied.

"Eh?" 'Since when could he read thoughts,' she thought before finishing her sentence, "Sure but why?"

"To me, that's the most honest song you've ever composed."

Her heart pounded louder, its pace increasing and drum reaching her ears and soon her fingers were moving on their own accord over the keys enveloping the room in the melody. Shin stared out the window losing himself in the bubbles of notes bursting around him. He had been with Nobu and Yasu earlier, enjoying a night out with them when Yasu brought up Sa-chan. His mouth immediately turned sour and the drink in his hand suddenly made him feel nauseous but he swallowed it down.

"I was with Satsuki earlier today," Yasu commented.

"Oh, how is she?" Nobu asked excitedly as though he were her father. To him, Satsuki was his daughter well; he had always been more of a father than an uncle to her.

"She's alright, working on her new album but she's hit a block." Yasu took a moment to drop his gaze in Shin's direction which he didn't fail to notice.

"Oh, I can't wait to hear what my princess has come up with," Nobu remarked.

"That would be nice but she needs to get all this pain out of her system."

"Hmm, I know…" Nobu concurred and Shin knew that he was a part of that pain.

Sa-chan's playing slipped into G minor for the bridge and her voice sprung to life, adding an honest plea to the instrumental.

_Je veux vous maintenir lointain _

_parce que de cette façon je pourra vous _

_voir clairement_

_Si Dieu me condamnait pour vous _

_aimer de cette façon_

_veuillez changer mon destin._

He remembered vividly what those words clearly meant;

_I want to keep you far because this way I'll be able to see you clearly._

_If God condemned me to love you this way, please change my destiny._

His memory flashed back to when their romance had been brought into the open. To begin with Yasu was the first to know then Nobu not to mention that Yasu was at his maddest but maintained his cool and told him to break it off.

"Satsuki is a still child. What the hell are you doing? Stop playing with her…of all people Satsuki."

"I would if I could," Shin snapped.

"What is that supposed to mean? Look! Satsuki is different from all those other women you've fooled around with including Reira and you know it. This is going to push her further down the slope than she already is."

"You think I never thought about that, Yasu?"

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know…I just don't want it to end."

"Don't tell me you're in love with her."

"I don't know. Okay?"

"No, it's not okay. Your love is a very selfish one-sided love and that's not what she needs."

"Who are you to judge? Besides, you're not her father. How do you know what she needs?"

"For one thing, I do a better job than her actual father does and I was and still am your guardian so I know what you and she both need. I'm ending this."

That moment that conversation ended, he never set eyes on Sa-Chan. Mainly because he got involved in a brawl with Takumi and was in hospital after he tried to see her once. By the time he was discharged, he had already sent her to a conservatoire in France.

When she returned, he was careful to avoid her company and absorbed himself in work and similarly she followed the assigned format but the moment they found themselves in an elevator together by chance, they realized that they couldn't ignore each other forever and decided to keep a strictly platonic relationship but both of them unlocked inhibitions and opened closed off emotions whenever they were together. That thin taut wire of self control was all that stopped them from picking up from where they left off and by God, how that wire was at its breaking point. He had missed her, the Sa-chan who smiled with her eyes and heart, the Sa-chan who played with his hair as he slept on her lap, the Sa-chan who threw things when she was furious with him, the Sa-chan who then cried helplessly whilst telling him that all she knew how to do well was love him, the Sa-chan who made his world stop turning with her glow, the Sa-chan who snuggled closer in the night and clung tighter than a crab when he tried to move.

The melody came to a stop and her voice echoed, "Shin… please change my destiny. I'm tired of loving you from afar."

He thought he had been imagining that remark but he stood to see Satsuki staring at the piano keys with tears at the edge of her long lashes.

"Satsuki…please change mine. Je ne veux croire plus, J'ai toujours été votre esclave." His response shocked Satsuki cajoling her to raise her head and more so it should have been the most obvious reaction since he was taking her lyrics. He walked over and pulled her from the bench into his arms, he had waited so long just to hold her away from friends and family...away from the eyes of the world. She grabbed the lapels of his jacket tighter as one tear fell after another, she sobbed quietly into his jacket that carried that scent and warmth that made her feel safe and loved, his arms tightened around her shoulders and the peace and tranquility she once felt came rushing back, 'It is different with Shin, after all.'

He pulled back and tilted her face before bending to capture her lips in a searing kiss that seemed to comfort her for all those years and loves lost. Satsuki responded to his rhythm and emotions in turn but for some reason, she had lost feeling in her arms. Slowly the kiss grew more hungry and passionate dizzying her, injecting her senses into an all natural high. She reached to hold onto something and her fingers hit the piano keys which let out a mess of notes, Shin pulled back and in a hushed voice filled with emotion said, "Hold onto me, Satsuki. I won't let you go."

Almost by command, her arms moved to his neck pulling his face closer taking in his intoxicating scent and captured his parted lips with hers, drinking his fierce flavor like a man would drink water in a desert. She slid her fingers through his hair, the soft tendrils teasing her fingers like soft grass blowing in the wind on a hot summer's day.

The tight sash that had held her dignity together came loose with one tug exposing her fair skin to Shin's hand, his fingers tenderly moved across her tummy blazing a trail of arousal and desire that woke goose pimples all over her body. His hand slowly made its way towards her warm breast where he tenderly teased her nipple before cupping the mound. Her mind went blank as he broke their kiss and trailed kisses along her neckline down towards her bust where they replaced his hand. Her mind went blank as his warm tongue came in contact with her cool peak; she shuddered as he continued to swish it over her mound like a babe. "Satsuki…

...Forbidden yet sweet...

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**A/N: wish i could do better for you all. Thanks for your reviews and your readership.**


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